The Lies of Defeat
I’ve been talking about lies we tell ourselves on the blog the last couple of weeks. We’ve talked about lies of protection. We’ve really boiled those down to the fear we have to face when we do something new, being comfortable getting uncomfortable. We discussed lies of inability, which we simplified into convincing ourselves we are ill-equipped when we actually are quite capable.
Today I’m diving into lies of defeat.
The lies of defeat can come at any time. They can overwhelm us before we ever start. They can spring up in the middle of a project or swallow us up as we stand back to look at our handiwork. These lies, like the other two, have negative consequences and tell us we are no good and we should quit before we embarrass ourselves further.
Lies of defeat stop progress in its tracks. Lies of defeat are all the negative thoughts that come rolling in that convince us we are beaten before we’ve even begun to see what the outcome is. They tell us, “shut it down before anyone knows,” “quit humiliating yourself,” “you know this will never become what you want it to be.” They are spawned from insecurities and perhaps an echoing voice from your past. Maybe even a recent voice chimed in and their unsupportive tone is ringing in your ears.
These are lies.
The old saying, “You don’t know unless you try,” applies in all its glory here. You don’t know, you can’t know and you will never know if something has defeated you until you get to the very end. (If you are standing at the end, you have not been defeated. Keep that in mind.) If you think of whatever it is you’re taking on in terms of warfare there are many battles that lead to the end of a war. As the warrior of your own life some battles will be messy, some you tactically dominate, some will come out of nowhere and some will be carefully planned and executed flawlessly while others are full of fumbles and hard decisions. The important part is not to give up the fight. One battle may be lost but the war is won by the summation of events and how far you are willing to go to see it through.
The only way these lies can beat you is if you let them infiltrate so deeply that you give up. You can only be defeated when you quit.
Defeat is not deciding to take a different angle, try a new tactic, approach from another avenue. Defeat is not deciding that there is a better path for you, something you’ve discovered you are more passionate about, combining other ideas to the one you’ve started with.
So many times we get to a hard spot and we throw our hands up and shake our heads. We walk away and never look back. We don’t know what the next move is and we don’t know exactly what the finish line looks like so we convince ourselves it’s probably not worth it and we couldn’t make it anyway.
The lies of defeat tell you there is absolutely no hope. I believe that is simply impossible. No hope is never an option. You find it, you create it, you hang on to even the tiny slivers of it. The tiny slivers are what build us back up from the depths tiny piece by tiny piece to become impenetrable forces of hope and victory.
The perspective switch we need to work towards is “what if it does work?” What if you do whatever it is for another month and you get some traction or attention? What if you press on for six more months and things start to become profitable? What if you just decide you’ll never give up the relationship begins healing through that proclamation.
So how do we switch our perspective and start gathering our tiny slivers of hope?
We start being grateful for where we are and what we have. Gratitude is a game changer for breaking down any lie we are facing. My relationship with God, being grateful for his presence and worshiping a creator that loves me deeply always invigorates my hope.
Being willing to try again and again and again. It’s the commitment to the dream that will dictate how far it goes. How many different approaches are you willing to take? You have to believe that the next one might be THE one. Staying focused on that belief bolsters your hope and changes your perspective on what you're doing.
Recognizing that there is an ebb and flow to things. Knowing that there will be slow times and times you’re swamped, times you feel creative and in control versus times that you feel burnt out and less than excited. These are normal feelings but battling those also with commitment and determination is how we win. We prove to ourselves that we can and we force ourselves to see it, logically believe it and then we can push on to bigger and bigger goals.
If it’s a relationship that you are feeling is falling apart, what changes the heart of yourself and another? Gratitude. How do you prove to someone you want to heal the pains and grow past the issues? You must try again and again. You make yourself believe that the next act of kindness and love could be the one that cracks the hardened heart. Understanding that regardless of feeling like doing something nice for the other we are committed.
When we do these things we start to change our own heart, perspective and our slivers of hope become larger and larger and most importantly the lies of defeat get quieter, fewer until finally defeat is not part of vocabulary. It is only tiny victory after tiny victory adding up.
These principles apply in business, to parenting, to friends, to leadership… lies of defeat will try to creep in anywhere you will let them and I believe they are synonymous with the devil. No one wants you to feel defeated more than the devil does. He’s come to cause chaos, wreck havoc and discourage us. So shut them down, prove them wrong and bury them in hope.
